Difficult decisions

"Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." ~The Fray

I love that quote, even though I wish it didn't refer to me. So much has happened recently - I had to make the difficult decision to go back and see the evil consultant mentioned in my last post. I had to see him privately, because time was running out and he was offering things that would help. The appointment was scheduled for Friday, but many phonecalls to and from my current surgeons' offices showed me that I really didn't trust this man, even if he could help. It played on my mind that he was adamant to be the only one involved, and I was scared that things would go wrong and he would refuse input from anyone else and would disallow me to see my old surgeons for advice. I just wouldn't want to feel obliged to him just because he's treating me.

Come Thursday, and I found a new consultant. I phoned up my orthopaedic surgeon's office, and told her about this new surgeon, and she replied by telling me that my vascular surgeon's secretary had recommended the very same person! I called my vascular surgeon's secretary, who informed me that her relative had seen the same person I'd found, and that he was lovely. She called up the new surgeon's office, and I got an appointment to see him yesterday (Friday) before his clinic started.

Turns out that he was born and had grown up in my area, and his sister had attended the same school as me. Again, he said he would treat me like a colleague, which I was so relieved about. No more of this chauvinistic, self-important approach, like the other surgeon had adopted. The bone erosion has progressed so much in the last few weeks, and the X-rays are redundant now because of how much more damage there is. I'm going to be admitted to hospital next week, and will be having surgery to debride the infectious bone and soft tissue. I think I'll be getting an implant or fixator of some sort to hold the bones together.

I can't believe how fast everything's moved on, and I don't think I'm ready for this. I know, full well, that this could make everything a lot worse. But if I do nothing, it'll get worse by itself - the surgery would, and could just hasten the process. Factor in my clotting disorders (just realised the pun there...) and my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and the fact that I'm getting so unhealthy from taking so many antibiotics, and I'm just not sure how I'll get through this.

Nothing more than bad bedside manner

Today was a bit of a strange day for me... I had my first appointment with the "new" consultant at the hospital where my haemophilia doctors are based. Needless to say, it was a very poor experience, especially when you compare it with the excellence of the haemophilia centre. Hands down, the haemophilia clinic is probably the best run clinic I've ever been to, with some of the best doctors I've ever seen. And it's all under the NHS, unlike all my other doctors. I was transferred there from the same consultant privately, as the NHS has more extensive services and better back-up for people with bleeding disorders.

The new plastic surgeon, however, was awful. On the outside, he was smiley, friendly and kind, but it soon transpired that this was more than an inaccurate reflection of his personality. I don't think he fully understood the difficulty I am facing with disengaging with my private consultants and moving to the NHS. He didn't appreciate the slowness of the transition, and the fact that I can't just move on with a clean break straight away. Especially now, when there are added complications that must be addressed in good time. It's hard to make such a big change without time.

Whilst I can understand where he's coming from, he told me right at the start that he wasn't going to treat me if I was seeing the other consultant. He wasn't even going to come up with a plan nor tell me what ideas he had, if any. This, I thought, was appalling. How is it so, that he can write me off straight away, without a second thought? Furthermore, the way he treated me was worse. He wanted to see the wound that was left - which was totally fine by me, until he decided to take the scissors and cut right about the wound. I couldn't help but flinch; his response to which was to chastise me that he was just cutting the dressing. When you've got a bone infection and a degrading joint, the slightest touches and movements hurt. I didn't mind the pain, and I didn't recoil, but it was his reaction that disgusted me.

He proceeded to tell me that he was going to apply silver nitrate to the wound. Not something I particularly like, but I kept quiet nonetheless. He left the room, while I gathered my belongings, only to find that he'd gone off in another direction, out of sight, when I came out. I was left standing in the waiting area for a good few minutes. When he eventually found me and took me to be silver nitrate-d, the process hurt me so much that tears just welled up in my eyes. He saw this, and remarked that even his paediatric patients let him do this without it hurting. Now, I know he's been there and seen it all, but it was genuinely painful and I was, again, appalled at his words. However, the worst was yet to come. A nurse came over, and instead of being discreet, he exclaimed to the nurse, "Look, she's upset now!".

I just couldn't believe the whole experience. After that, he took me back to the waiting area and demanded that I "sit there" while he had a look at my MRI. Five minutes later, he asked me in, made a few comments and decided that I wasn't worth seeing again since I hadn't fully cut off connections with the private side.

All in all, I can definitely say I won't be going back. Not because he's not a good clinical scientist. But because his bedside manner and treatment of patients was so very poor that I can't stand being insulted and humiliated like that. Not only did he upset me, but he commented that my vascular surgeon "wouldn't care about my hand, and just the vessels" in an extremely derogatory way. I'm not going to pretend that everything's been plain sailing, but I know for a fact that my vascular surgeon has always had my best interests at heart, despite being a little bit slap-dash at times. This is no way for the new surgeon to behave, not least to belittle my other doctors. He even mentioned that I've been wasting my time over the past few years. Thanks, but no thanks.