Difficult decisions

"Sometimes, the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." ~The Fray

I love that quote, even though I wish it didn't refer to me. So much has happened recently - I had to make the difficult decision to go back and see the evil consultant mentioned in my last post. I had to see him privately, because time was running out and he was offering things that would help. The appointment was scheduled for Friday, but many phonecalls to and from my current surgeons' offices showed me that I really didn't trust this man, even if he could help. It played on my mind that he was adamant to be the only one involved, and I was scared that things would go wrong and he would refuse input from anyone else and would disallow me to see my old surgeons for advice. I just wouldn't want to feel obliged to him just because he's treating me.

Come Thursday, and I found a new consultant. I phoned up my orthopaedic surgeon's office, and told her about this new surgeon, and she replied by telling me that my vascular surgeon's secretary had recommended the very same person! I called my vascular surgeon's secretary, who informed me that her relative had seen the same person I'd found, and that he was lovely. She called up the new surgeon's office, and I got an appointment to see him yesterday (Friday) before his clinic started.

Turns out that he was born and had grown up in my area, and his sister had attended the same school as me. Again, he said he would treat me like a colleague, which I was so relieved about. No more of this chauvinistic, self-important approach, like the other surgeon had adopted. The bone erosion has progressed so much in the last few weeks, and the X-rays are redundant now because of how much more damage there is. I'm going to be admitted to hospital next week, and will be having surgery to debride the infectious bone and soft tissue. I think I'll be getting an implant or fixator of some sort to hold the bones together.

I can't believe how fast everything's moved on, and I don't think I'm ready for this. I know, full well, that this could make everything a lot worse. But if I do nothing, it'll get worse by itself - the surgery would, and could just hasten the process. Factor in my clotting disorders (just realised the pun there...) and my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and the fact that I'm getting so unhealthy from taking so many antibiotics, and I'm just not sure how I'll get through this.