Face to face

Having come face to face with my own mortality several times in the past few years, I decided to put my thoughts down in writing to try and make sense of things in my mind a little better than I have been so far.

Yesterday, with another platelet transfusion, I had another nasty reaction, which sent my body into overdrive. I'm not quite sure what happened or how I got here, but I certainly don't feel good. I don't want to think about the series of events that took place, because that would only scare me more.

Despite the weakness and discomfort I am in now, it's weird to think about how well I am compared to how I could be, and how I actually was yesterday. Once again, it's brought to the fore how important it is to have family, friends and love. Similarly to last time, I was alone when this all happened. It began in the day unit, and I'd thought that I'd be in and out within a couple of hours at most. It was around midday when things started to go pear-shaped, and about four hours later when my parents arrived at my bedside.

Having gone from something so simple, suddenly to something so drastic, makes me wonder. I look at my physical self and ask why and how I made it through so much, with hardly anything to show for it. I know I am lucky.

I'm still not sure how to coherently put my thoughts down, but for now, this will have to do. This year has certainly thrown a lot at me (I'll write about the latest soon), but I know that I will make it through. There are a couple of special people who I love and am thinking of very much at the moment. One of my friends goes into hospital on Monday for GI testing, and has had a lot thrown at her lately. Please pray for her!