Afterthoughts

It's been a difficult recovery, knowing that I could have gone through so much pain and complications - and that my outcomes are possibly, or likely, to be poor. A huge amount of money and effort went into this operation, but that's only material and is besides the point.

Knowing that being hospitalised this time has made things a lot worse for me, is difficult to deal with, mentally. I know that taking the opioids they gave me has affected my gastrointestinal system more than I thought they would, and that losing even more weight is to my detriment. I'm working hard to gain the lost weight, and have stopped taking the codeine since I realised the effects it was having on me.

In a way, I'm glad that I didn't know how bad things were before the operation, as I know that this would still have been the only option and the only road for us to go down. I suppose I would have still chosen to undergo surgery, but might have been just a little more anxious and nervous, so in a way it's a blessing we never knew. However, it feels so disheartening to learn of the consequences this operation could have on me. If the infection has spread far enough, or is extensively within the soft tissue, there's a fair chance that the surgery not only will fail, but could make everything a whole lot worse. I once had a doctor inform me that it was possible to lose the whole hand to the infection. I've been told that it was always a risk to have any metalwork in an area of recent infection, yet it seemed like this was the best of all options for me.

I feel very shaken and still am upset about the experience I had with my platelet transfusion. This is the second time I've gone into anaphylactic shock, and the feeling is awful. Both times have been a result of IV agents, making the onset very quick, and the effects severe. The feelings of impending doom and having your heart beat so fast and hard that your ears hurt, are inexplicably uncomfortable. For the remainder of the morning, and for the rest of the day, my heart rate was more than twice my normal, and had me shaking - not helped by the other effects of the reaction.

I'm so glad to be at home to make a full recovery, and am nervously awaiting Friday, for my post-op appointment. Hopefully it will be then, that I will find out more about the platelet reaction, and about the surgery itself.