Afterthoughts

It's been a difficult recovery, knowing that I could have gone through so much pain and complications - and that my outcomes are possibly, or likely, to be poor. A huge amount of money and effort went into this operation, but that's only material and is besides the point.

Knowing that being hospitalised this time has made things a lot worse for me, is difficult to deal with, mentally. I know that taking the opioids they gave me has affected my gastrointestinal system more than I thought they would, and that losing even more weight is to my detriment. I'm working hard to gain the lost weight, and have stopped taking the codeine since I realised the effects it was having on me.

In a way, I'm glad that I didn't know how bad things were before the operation, as I know that this would still have been the only option and the only road for us to go down. I suppose I would have still chosen to undergo surgery, but might have been just a little more anxious and nervous, so in a way it's a blessing we never knew. However, it feels so disheartening to learn of the consequences this operation could have on me. If the infection has spread far enough, or is extensively within the soft tissue, there's a fair chance that the surgery not only will fail, but could make everything a whole lot worse. I once had a doctor inform me that it was possible to lose the whole hand to the infection. I've been told that it was always a risk to have any metalwork in an area of recent infection, yet it seemed like this was the best of all options for me.

I feel very shaken and still am upset about the experience I had with my platelet transfusion. This is the second time I've gone into anaphylactic shock, and the feeling is awful. Both times have been a result of IV agents, making the onset very quick, and the effects severe. The feelings of impending doom and having your heart beat so fast and hard that your ears hurt, are inexplicably uncomfortable. For the remainder of the morning, and for the rest of the day, my heart rate was more than twice my normal, and had me shaking - not helped by the other effects of the reaction.

I'm so glad to be at home to make a full recovery, and am nervously awaiting Friday, for my post-op appointment. Hopefully it will be then, that I will find out more about the platelet reaction, and about the surgery itself.

Three years on...

6th April 2010...

Both the best and worst day of my life so far, without a doubt. At around 11am, pretty much as I type this, I had an anaphylactic reaction whilst unconscious, to intravenous Augmentin; a drug containing penicillin. Strange as it may sound, I'd taken penicillin for weeks pre-op and had no problems until the test dose of the intravenous preparation.

Looking through my medical notes, those few minutes were grim... And I'm so glad I wasn't conscious through it, because the scars left behind are more than enough for me to deal with. The night I spent in the Critical Care Unit was horrible; I'd never, and still haven't ever felt so ill in my life. There were moments where I thought I would die, and moments when it felt surreal to be alive after what had happened.

I don't know what drugs they were, but something they gave me made my whole body shake. It was so very strange not to be able to keep myself still, but the adrenaline they'd given me was making my heart rate sky high. Something wasn't quite right with my breathing and my blood pressure was really low.

That night felt like the longest night of my life. I was admitted to the Unit at around 3pm, and was there till around midday the next day. I know it's not that long, but when you're only sixteen and were supposed to just be a day patient, things like this shock you and floods of emotion are released.

Without the fast actions of my consultant, I'm not sure what would have happened; I don't know quite how bad the situation was because I wasn't awake. But I'm just glad that the experience wasn't any worse than it was, because that was quite enough for me!

Nonetheless, I can't believe I've come this far. From 2009, I've suffered from the AVM and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, been diagnosed with a platelet disorder and get persistent stomach troubles. But, I've got 11 GCSEs, 3 A Levels and am now finishing my first year of Medical School. So many people and events have made me into a different person to who I would be otherwise, and every single person who's loved me, wished me well and believed in me deserves to share the happiness and the accomplishment I'm feeling today.