Strange day today

People can be so deceiving and foolish. Because I am relatively young, people think that it's acceptable to play up on me and scare me, taking advantage of the fact that I feel bad easily. Today, I experienced a really terribly set-up case of emotional blackmail and am unfortunately just sat here grinning at my laptop rather than feeling the emotions that I was set up to feel. Immediately, I saw obvious flaws in what was being said and once I figured things out, I just gave up altogether and my doubts all became my beliefs (or disbeliefs!). I'm just at a loss, but it's not a bad one - just feeling slightly smug right here, right now. Obviously the smugness is tinged with anger, but nonetheless I'm not complaining.

Today, I seem to have taken a couple of steps backwards, health-wise. I have an infection, and if it doesn't keep itself contained, the infection will spread to the bone and I don't know what nastiness will ensue if that happens. I am back at the hospital tomorrow to see my surgeon and have my dressings redone by the nice nurses at my usual hospital. I have had more nausea and sickness than yesterday, but not nearly as much as I had a few days ago. I have stopped taking the codeine and am now on just ibuprofen and using Bupivacaine HCl for the pain on the wound at dressing changes.

No news as of yet about the plastic surgeon but hopefully I will be able to book my appointment tomorrow after my visit to the hospital, if not on Monday. There is a possibility of more surgery in the near future if my wounds don't start behaving and if the proteins and overgranulation don't recede. At current, they seem to be getting ever bigger and the cavity is filling up quickly. In my last surgery, my wound was debrided right down to tendon and bone which is the primary reason why infection at this stage would be bad news. Despite being far from ideal though, the granulation tissue is at least creating space between the bone and the infection, or at least that's what I think.

Anyway, despite the slight deterioration in the state of me, I've had a wonderful day! Hope you have too!

Post-op day #5

I can't believe it's already been five days since surgery! I attended my BMI hospital today to see my surgeon, with much apprehension about their awful nurses, knowing that I would need my dressings done because I am just post-op. I was given the *worst* nurse; I'm surprised I didn't scream when I saw her. As my surgeon says, she's "old school" and wants to get jobs done ASAP, regardless of anything. I bit my tongue and decided to let her have a go even though I knew it wasn't a good time, being post-op.

She took a foot-long pair of plaster scissors and tried to cut my dressing, hacking through the bandages roughly. I told her to stop, but she just told me to let her get on. She then started to remove the dressings themselves with tweezers. I tried to get my other hand in and remove them myself, but as I moved away from the dressings table, her tweezers followed suit and she was adamant that she wanted to remove them.

Just as we were waiting for my surgeon to come, another nurse came to get something from the room. Later, evil nurse left and I was left with the nurse who had come in to get something, as if by telepathy (or magic!)! I was in so much pain and was bleeding my this point and trying so hard to hold things together. My surgeon came in, and awkward conversation ensued (with me half-in-tears...). After 30 minutes of discussion, we decided to try new dressings and my surgeon left, telling me to go and see him again post-dressings.

Later, my surgeon asked if I was alright and commented that I looked really upset earlier on. Embarrassingly, I burst into tears and explained the situation - he agreed that it wasn't right and we ended up laughing about it.

He isn't too happy about the state of things, I am already growing back dodgy tissue and we might have to repeat/revise the surgery. He has also referred me to a plastic surgeon and I should get a call about that tomorrow - he wants to see if I am a candidate for synthetic skin or cell culture which is a very exciting prospect for now. I should get an appointment next week depending on when and where he runs his clinics and I am seeing my orthopaedic surgeon again on the 7th September.

For now, I have been prescribed some marcaine/bupivacaine HCl (I think they're the same thing) for pain relief as the codeine has been making me vomit badly. He wants me to start building up my appetite again as I have lost some weight over the last week or so, which was part of the reason why I was kept longer in hospital than I should have been. I ended up leaving the hospital at 9pm but I'm pleased to have seen my surgeon today. Hopefully it's good news from here.

On the way

I've only just come home and had a shower since I left this morning at around 10.30 to go to the hospital. I saw my vascular surgeon at 11am, then headed out into the city centre to see my orthopaedic surgeon for 2.20pm. As usual, he was late (ended up arriving at 3pm) and left at around six. Most of the time was spent waiting, but I can almost definitely say it was worth the time he spent explaining things to me.

He's still not too happy with my diet and food intake and wants me to see my GP about this and get all the bloods done to get a better picture of my health from that perspective. I asked about my surgery from September 2010 and told him that it was the one I thought worked out best, until someone smacked it with a stick at school (Chemistry demonstration... don't ask). I asked if something like that would potentially work again, to which he answered that it's a possibility but there's a lack of tissue to be used, unless we approached using a pedicle flap from the adjacent finger. He did say, however, that he would need to carry this out with a plastic surgeon and so he'll ask a colleague and get back to me (he wrote this down so I'm hopeful he won't forget). 

He suggested that in the near future I perhaps have some coagulation procedure done to obliterate any troublesome vessels - perhaps an alternative if the plastic surgeon declines to operate. I'm not sure whether it'll be a yes, given the complex past. My hopes rest on the fact that my diet and food intake are slowly improving and therefore there's a chance it'll work. I explained that I feel like I've got nothing to lose since we've maintained status quo since February 2011 and that even if it doesn't work, I want to know that I've tried something that I believed would help.

I had my dressing done by Trish, my favourite nurse, and she was so great! It feels like she's known me for so long already but it's only been a couple of months. I'm going on Wednesday again to see her so hopefully she'll be there. Overall, quite a good appointment despite lots of waiting. I arrived at 2, was eventually seen at 3, had my dressing done at 3.30 after speaking with my surgeon, waited some more for my surgeon to see his other patients, and saw him again at around 4.45, and finally left at 6pm alongside my surgeon even!!! Lots of waiting around but lots of time spent talking, asking and finding out new things. I'm excited at the prospect of new ideas for a cure but am also incredibly nervous that I'm not going to get this chance - which I know is a huge realistic possibility. Sorry it's been a long one but there's been a lot to think about - hope the weekend is a great one for you!