Day out

I've been bleeding every day this week, and have lost quite a fair bit of blood. More than ever before, I now feel like there's AVM left in my finger because the bleeding is always pulsatile. I would be worried about this if the only option was to maintain status quo, but this week, my surgeon should be consulting others from the plastics team to see if they can operate using a cross finger flap which was suggested in the past. If this is done, any AVM left will be removed. I'd forgotten to also ask him about performing a Z-plasty which has also been an option previously, but was never done. I will be sure to ask him about this on Friday when I next see him at the hospital. I am so nervous but excited also to find out whether I can have surgery, but the thought of declination of this chance kills all the hope I have. I'd rather be realistic than optimistic and I know that the chances of a "yes" are very, very slim indeed and I just want to be prepared for the disappointment rather than expect the excitement.

I went out with my best friend today - we went into Central London and did some shopping. I bought a couple of face cleansers and makeup removers, and a few bits and pieces for my makeup collection. It was a really, really nice day and I'm so pleased I could spend it with one of my favourite people. To top it off, I came home and another great, great friend of mine was online and so we chatted the evening away! I have so many best friends and am so lucky for this - people who I am close to not just through illness, but because  we have similar personalities, regardless of state of health.

My new contact lenses are really wonderful too. This is my second trial and my second pair on this trial and finally, I think I've found lenses which really work for me. I am very short sighted and have bad astigmatism too - I think my prescription is around -8.00 on each eye but I'm so glad they finally found lenses that are made in my prescription! Despite all the bleeds lately, I have totally been on cloud nine! I think about my friends and family every day and remember how lucky I am to have them around me to share everything with me! I hope this week is a good one for everyone - sending lots and lots of love to you!

General update

So my next appointment is finally here and I'm really, really hoping that it's the one where I'll receive some sort of good news about what we can do about my AVM. The pain is becoming pretty unbearable as the days go by and the bleeding has failed to ease. In fact, it's become worse even though the open area itself hasn't changed - if anything, it's a little better but this advance is clouded out by the havoc the bleeding has caused (and is causing!).

I bought myself a white dress today - it's lacy and has a navy bow at the waist! I can't wait to wear it but have to wait till the weather is nice again because it's a summer dress! Also bought an orange hoodie (in a moment of madness!), a navy lace summer top and a navy/white striped t-shirt that I hope will go well with a skirt I recently bought. I'm going out again tomorrow to get some leggings and a lipgloss (I can't decide between Chanel and Lancome so we're going to Debenhams to have a proper look). 

Baked cupcakes again today, vanilla sponge but chocolate buttercream icing this time. I iced them using the standard 8-star swirl and didn't put any further decorations on because I thought they looked nice enough plain. My mother had bought me an electric mixer that has the bowl attached to it - I think these are the free-standing ones? I made a rosemary focaccia yesterday and it was really yummy! Didn't take a photo of it though because it was attacked before I had the chance!

I am anxious but look forward to my appointment tomorrow. I am so hopeful that I will get some news because I've been in this limbo for what seems like ages. Results come out a week from today and only then will I find out whether I've gotten into medical school or not. Fingers crossed it'll be a yes - good luck to everyone else receiving results next week and the week after too! 

Yesterday's bleed

Had a quiet day today: I went to town with my mother this morning and got a pair of high-waisted jeans from Topshop, a few tops and bought some cupcake ingredients. I decided to ice them as roses today (first time trying it out) as I had pink food colouring that I wanted to try out. They looked alright but I've yet to taste them - the sponge is vanilla as usual and it's a pink buttercream that I made myself.

I ended up emailing my orthopaedic surgeon as I had another horrendous bleed yesterday (no reply as of yet). On taking the dressing off, I saw a purple thread under the skin which I didn't really think much of, until it started bleeding from around that spot. It was then when I realised that the purple thread must have been a vessel.

I was, and still am surprised that I'm not feeling too bad from the bleed. I'm yet to change the dressing today but dreading it, as it's caked in blood which has since dried. It's stuck to the nail bed where there was once a nail, which is most definitely something that makes me cringe like nothing else. I will phone my surgeon's secretary on Monday and book an appointment for Friday - I'd like either the first or last appointment because he's late and overruns. Last week, there were three people before me and he arrived an hour late - by the time he got to me, he was two hours late as he'd gone "overtime" with his previous patients. Because he always sees me, takes me to the dressing/treatment area and then sees me again in the consulting room, the nurses reckon it'd be better to be admitted as a day patient!

Feeling anxious about the possibility of no surgery till I start university and for results day which is in a week and six days' time. I really want to see him before results day as I want to know what's going on and have some questions to ask him. Hoping for a good week until I see him, and wishing everyone a great week too!